When is it Love

K (my guy) is leaving for three months. I was upset because he wanted to go to dinner with friends and not just me. Dinner Monday night went really well, F and her husband are always fun to be around and my spirts were high because we, the men that I work with and me actually acomplished something in the staff meeting we had, my department is only about 12 officers because it is federal. Back to dinner, we went for Chinese which is always one of my favorites. F and her husband have two kids the boy is six months younger than my daughter, who did not go because of pervious plans, and the girl who is almost a year. The boy always, as most four year olds do, provided the entertainment. All went well expect in I was think the whole time when do I get alone time with you and nervous about bring it up, I didn't want to say goodbye in the car when he dropped me off after dinner. On the hour drive home we were talking about his up coming trip and what he expected from it. Finally as he was getting close to my house I got the never up to ask if I could stop by after he came home from dinner with his family. His reply is as long as you don't mind me running around, because I still have alot do to before I leave. Fast forward about three hours and here I am standing in his house that is just pure catatrofy because he is leaving and he is also a single man. Not saying that all men are messy, but mine however is. I'm just looking are what still has to be done laundry still to wash and fold, vaccuming, the kitchen. I ask is there anything I can help with? He says if you want to. Well my weakness is a messy kitchen, if there is one I will find it and make it like new again. So where did I head, strait for the kitchen of course, with dishes piled up for I don't want to think how long, probably a little over a week, but still one guy can make alot of dirty dishes. As I started to clear way the mess and make the kitchen whole again, it hit me. Oh my goddess, I'm in love with him. What in the hell am I supposed to do about that. As I slowly inhale trying to clam myself. He asked me what was wrong, I coffessed my love and rushed into his arms. And maybe if I lived in a romance novel that might happen, but no. Then I thought on it a mintue, no it was not love but I do care for him, and for now that is enoughHe was in the laundry room at the time starting the washer again. I figure when the time is right I will tell him, but now he has enough to worry about. So when we said our goodbye we held each other a little longer than usual, I told him I would miss him, then walked home.

The Writing On the Wall

I came home from work last night to hear my daughter crying. Thinking that there is something treble wrong and that she got in trouble for something. I walked back to my bedroom and she is underneath her blanket hiding and sobbing. I asked her what was wrong and all she said was I'm sorry mommy, I was trying to write my letters. As I stand there wondering what she is talking about I notice blue marks on the wall. Not just a little bit but a lot, being that she is almost five she knows that she is to only use paper. I told her I was very mad at her and that it was time for her to go to bed. After about ten minutes I have calmed down enough to go to bed myself and talk to her about it. I tell her that I know she was practicing her letters but anytime that she feels the need to write on something there is lots of paper in the computer room and she can use as much as she wants. Then I ask if she is going to write on the wall any more and of course the answer is no. My daughter is a little of a drama queen and can over dramitize a lot of stuff, I have learned the best way do deal with me being mad is a mommy time out. I take myself out of the situation, leave the room, go outside and get some air. Then I come back and calmly discuss what she did wrong making sure she understands.

I Was Just So Mad

The guy I have been seeing for awhile is leaving on Tuesday and will be gone for the next three months for further job training. I would like to spend some alone time with him but when I called today to see what the plans were for tomorrow, he says let me get in touch with a friend of our and see what is up with her and her family. Now I have known both my guy and my friend since high shcool, (about 11 years ago) and in the last year or so since getting out of the military have reconnected with them. They have remained friends for the whole time that I was gone, and I did not always stay in contact with them, because I was off on my new adventure. I respect that they are friends and he would like to see them before he leaves, but I am also kind of upset. I know I am being selfish, but I would like some alone quality time with him also. I am sure there is a way to compromise and I am still thinking on that. First I have to work past being upset. If he would have told me a week ago that he was going to plan something with all of us together then I would have not been planning something special with just me and him. I jsut have to readjust my plan so I can have some time alone with him after or before we see our friends. Now that I have wrote this I feel as if I'm a spoiled brat and jsut made because I didn't get it my way. So I will see him later tonight and talk to him about what I wanted to talk to him about before he left.

Loosing Blog Virginity

I have kept a journal at some points in my life and have always found writing what I am thinking a good way to get it out. Well this is my first post and it is kind of like loosing one's virginity. I'm nervous and excited, I have expectations and I don't know what to expect. I don't know how it will go, but I will learn as I go.
As of right now I have writers block and can not think of a dang thing to write about. I am a single mother, and a police officer. Sometimes both rolls become itnertwined. I am a Virgo which means I'm very pick and I love organization and cleanliness. As of right now there are no other women in my department, but that is fine with me. You will learn that I am very much not a girly girl. My favorite sport is Hockey and I like the everything the outdoors has to offer, even fishing. And lastly I am a horrible speller and will apologize now for any mistakes I have made or will make in the future.